Depression is a noose around the neck of your body and your spirit is the chair, life or death depends on if it can support your body. A simple push, a gust of wind from an unsuspecting source can make your body lose balance and send you into oblivion, a mental if not physical hell. There are so many things keeping that chair in place other than it’s legs. Millions of fake smiles, meaningless relationships, an optimistic heart that has as many cracks as it does vessels all do their best to keep the chair from swaying, to keep your legs from flailing and another night is spent praying for a way for better days to come. The noose grows ever tighter until the day finally comes where you have two choices, to let it suffocate you or to take it off, run away and never look back but it’ll slowly come back again. The key is to realize the value of your life and the happiness you can bring to others, that is what keeps the chair stable and it’s what keeps the noose from suffocating you. The value of your life and the joy it brings others can keep you alive when everything else seems to lead you in the opposite direction.
To Socrates, death was not a defeat, but a cure.
I am 100% straight. I’ve been raised by women so I seek to understand them, treasure them and please them in every way I can. I think one of the main parts in the lost art of masculinity is treatment of women. Most guys don’t try to figure them out. I do. To me every woman I’m attracted to is like a puzzle, a chess match and I’m driven to win no matter what. I may seem feminine because a lot of things I do are to grab the attention of women but my intentions are infinitely masculine.
Insecure girls starve for attention, no matter who it’s from. One person is never enough.
You walked down the street, drunk. Arrested for public drunk and disorderly conduct. Two DUIs in October, one of them a wreck that almost killed you. You curse my name. You call me a bastard, say I’m selfish. You say I’m nothing. You say you hate me. You say I’m a piece of shit and that one day I’ll be sorry. I’m all you’ve got. Many nights I’ve sat with you, pleading that you’d stop drinking. I sat in that hospital room with you for hours while you were recovering, most of your lower body being shattered. I dreamed of our parents. What life would’ve been like if they were still here. But they’re not here. They’re gone forever. I realized that long ago. It hurts to know this whole family depends on me. I’ll put you all on my shoulders. I’m the only hope for the future. I’ve got to be something special. I’ve got to get out of the darkness I was born into. I’m meant for something, I haven’t suffered for nothing. Everything that happens to me just motivates me more. I’m angry at the world. I will become what I know I am. Nothing will stop me.
Happy Valentines Day to the woman who gave me life, who inspired me with her courage to fight cancer and who loved me unconditionally. I love you mom, more than words can ever describe. See you someday.